This Takes Sympathy to a Whole New Level

 

 

Yesterday we discovered these lego videos.  I can't even remember what our original reason was for being on you tube, but when my 6 year old saw lego videos, all other interests came to a screeching halt. 

 

I am always a bit leery to open a new video sight unseen in front of my kids.  Experience has taught me that even the most innocent "lego" looking video is not always appropriate from start to finish. 

 

Thankfully, these were fine.  They had us cracking up for a good long time.

 

If you have five minutes to spare, check out it out.  They rest of the post won't make any sense without it.

 

That video was watched at 11:00 a.m. yesterday.

Last night when I tucked in my little guy, he seemed kind of sad.  He's never too thrilled about having to go to bed, but this seemed a bit different. 

We prayed, I turned on his music, and then finally asked him what was wrong.

He sat up and with tears in his eyes (literally), he said this:

"I am sad.  I am sad for that lego guy who was shopping.  It's just not fair that he didn't get to buy any legos like he wanted to.  That makes me very sad for him.  They should have let him buy some legos."

I had absolutely no idea what to say.

Christmas in Pictures

Christmas Through the Eyes of a Child

 

The AGONY of waiting to begin opening gifts...

 

Having the privilege of reading the Christmas story....



 Somehow the Christmas story sounds even better when a child reads it.

 

Stockings....



 Yes, those are Band-aids on my son's pile.  Doesn't every mom put Band-aids in her kids' stockings?  And here in just a second he will be opening tape.  Yes, tape.  That child has emptied my savings account with the number of Band-aids and the amount of tape he uses.  He is addicted.  Now I can watch him waste these items with a bit less rage.

And, finally, the gifts...



 Although I think using his pocket knife was at least half the fun of getting new gifts.

 

 This child is thinking, "I asked for Star Wars, Ninjago, and Super Heros, and you got me this?  Where are all the weapons?!?"

 Is it just me, or does anyone else see extra ER visits in our future?

 

 



 Oh, the joy that iTunes brings.

 Grandma came through with Lego Ninjago.  It's an airplane spaceship flying thing.

And Uncle Rod saved the day with Lego Factory Superheroes.

 

All is now right in his universe.

A Day of Remembrance

One hope that I have for my children is that Christmas will never become commonplace for them.  I have no doubt that they will always love the anticipation of Christmas, the gifts, the family activities, the Christmas lights, and the break from school. 

But my fear is that with all of the things we do to make Christmas "special"...will they remember the Christ child in the manger?

If you ask them what Christmas is really all about, they definitely know the right answer.  They will tell you that it is about Jesus being born into this world.  They know that we are celebrating the birth of God's son.

But is that what they really look forward to?  Is that what they long for about Christmas?

Every year I wonder how I can make Christmas -- the REAL Christmas -- more alive in their eyes, more meaningful, and more personal.

I don't want them to take the birth of Jesus for granted.

Christmas Eve is the day I think about this issue the most.

It is because it is also the day I think about my own children the most.

Do I take them for granted?  Do I rush through each day and each week checking off my to do lists, scrambling to get where we need to go, and wishing they could just.be.more.responsible?  Or do I take the time to cherish the blessing that they are?

Christmas Eve holds a special significance for us, so it has naturally become a day in which I reflect back over our journey of being a family of two to being a family of four. 

While I am thankful that the pain of infertility has lessened over the years, I pray that I never forget the lessons learned, the joys, the sorrows, and the growth we experienced during the process.

I pray that we never forget...
...the pain of miscarrying our first baby in March of 2000.
...the hopes that were dashed when we lost our second in August of 2000.
...the agonizing feelings that came with losing our third in May of 2001. 
...the uncertainty we felt when we were told we were expecting twins in 2002.
...the sadness that came when we lost one of those twins.
...and the miracle of the arrival of the one we didn't lose.

For these things taught me that I am not in control.

I pray that we never forget...
...the feeling of defeat when we miscarried again in 2005.
...the horror of ER visits and emergency surgery.
...the news that two more little twins were gone.
...the desperation of miscarrying one final time in 2006.

For these things taught me the power of prayer.

I pray that we never forget...
...the many prayers that were offered up for us.
...the decision to look into adoption "just in case" God had a baby for us out there.
...the nervous energy once our adoption profile was submitted.
...and the miraculous phone call we received seven years ago this very day that we had been chosen to adopt a baby boy.

For these things taught me that I am loved.

How is it possible that after all of this, after all of the pain and prayers and longing, that I could possibly take the blessing of my children for granted?

And even more than that, how is it possible that I could take the precious gift of Christ for granted, especially at this time of year?

I am full of wonder every Christmas Eve.

Many days I need to be reminded to be filled with that same wonder.

May this Christmas season bring you a longing for much more than gifts and holiday activities.  May it bring a renewed sense of awe for your family...and especially for that baby in the manger.

Hello from Our Little World of Germs

Oh blogosphere, how I have missed thee...

I had very high hopes to get back to this little corner of my world during Christmas break. 

Instead, my Christmas break started with a fever.

Aches.
Chills.
A sore throat.
And a cough that won't quit.

Today is day four of this journey of sickness for myself and my six year old, and let's just say I am done.  Or...it may be more accurate to say I WISH I was done.

I have learned/been reminded of a few things about myself and my family the past few days. 

1.  I am a wimpy sick person.  Technically, I have always known this, but it has been so long since I have been sick that I may have temporarily forgotten.  I always aspired to be the mom who could keep the house running while sick, but I think it is safe to say that I did not accomplish that this time around.

2.  My husband is wonderful.  He graciously took a day off of work without me asking him to and took over all household duties in my absence. I'm pretty sure he has cooked more meals in the past four days than I have in the past four weeks. I still have the deep cleaning to attend to once I am up and going (we have company arriving this week), but he has been holding down the fort quite well.

3.  My little guy has an even sweeter disposition when he is sick.  I have no idea why, but he says please and thank you more than normal, which seems odd to me.  However, when he sneezes, everyone within a ten mile radius should take cover for fear of what might come flying their way. 

4.  Apparently his honesty factor cranks up a notch when he is sick as well.  This morning he told his daddy that the coffee cake he made for breakfast tasted like hair. 

{Blank stare.}

Hair?

5.  One other little note about sick little 6 year olds....do not let them watch the cartoon version of "A Christmas Carol" before bed.  They will wake up at 11:30 p.m. hoarsely crying, with snot bubbles coming out of their nose, proclaiming that they "did not like what they watched on TV with mommy".  Tired fathers love dealing with this on top of everything else. 

Speaking of tired...I've been semi-propped up for an hour now...so it's back to bed for me.

Here's wishing you a germ-free Christmas. :)

This Thing Called Parenting

Just for the record, those are not my kids.

But tonight I was really wishing for that cage.

I'm still a bit mystified how it takes 4+ years and a bundle of money for a person to get a college degree, but nearly anyone can choose to be a parent on a whim.

OK, technically, it took us 4+ years and a bundle of money to become parents, too....but that is completely not the point.

The point is, there really should be some kind of lengthy, strict education for this thing called parenting.  That education should be full of all the typical "schoolly" things -- case studies, research, assessments...the whole nine yards.

Then maybe I would know how to react to this --

Tonight my 6 year old struggled to listen.  He wanted to look at books instead of brush his teeth, he wanted to play with toys instead of get his pajamas on, he wanted to watch TV instead of settle into bed. 

Right before crawling into bed he asked if he could read for a little bit for Book-it.  I said yes, just for a little bit.

Two minutes later I walk by his room and he was writing on paper.  I calmly (in comparison to shouting -- it's all relative) asked him what he was doing and reminded him that he had asked to READ.

He told me he was writing a song.

I told him to put it away and READ.

He asked me if he could finish writing the words, "the sun". 

I said yes he could write THOSE 2 WORDS and then he should READ.

Five minutes later I checked on him again. (Yes, I realize I should have stayed right there, watched the two words, pried the paper from his hands, and given him a book.)

I calmly (remember, it's relative) asked him what in the world he was doing.

He proudly handed me his song.

Oh I love you Lorb mor
then the sun and the moon
and the stars oh hou I Love you
mor then the su and t moon and
the stars oh hou I Love you Lord
mor than the sun oh hou I Love you
and the trees and things like
that I Lov you Lord!

Do you think it is possible that he sneakily wrote a song like this because he knew he was not obeying me the entire time?

Never will I know.

I told him the song was beautiful.  I also told him that he still made a poor choice by not listening to me.  Then I told him that he needed to go to sleep.

To which he promptly replied, "Can I read for Book-it now?"

{Sigh.}

December

It's DECEMBER.

Seriously...when did that happen??

I have Christmas letters to write, gifts to wrap, gifts to buy, advent activities to make, cards to send out, and the list goes on.

And to be honest, I love it all.  It may be busy, but Christmas is one of my favorite times of year. 

Five years ago (when I wasn't working full time or taking classes), I started the tradition (calling it a "tradition" was my first mistake - now they want it every year) of making an advent chain for the boys (yes, I was trying to be supermom).  They loved it (go me!), but after about day five, I began to regret my decision (climbing down the supermom ladder).  I planned things like reindeer cupcakes (click here), gingerbread houses and puzzle cookies (click here).  Cute, right?  Only my boys don't always see the need for sticking with it to help with all the details (must be a male thing?).  End result: Frustration.

Five years later, and I am older and wiser.  We still have some cooking adventures, but I only put their favorites on the list, like dipping pretzels and oreos, frosted Christmas cookies, and baking day with friends.  I have replaced reindeer cupcakes with a date with mom for smoothies at The Well, and gingerbread houses for a surprise Sonic run for supper some evening. 

I have also been looking for ideas that don't cost anything extra.  I sat down yesterday with my little friend Google and started searching for ideas. 

I hit the Jackpot here.

This site was just what I needed to fill in the empty spots on my chain.  Now I have some fun things which don't cost a lot and which take very little prep time.

Like...

• Backwards Dinner
• Indoor overnight fort/campout
• Family game night
• Kid's Choice
• Give day
• Treasure hunt dinner
• Food bank day
• Wrap presents as a family
• Impromptu donut run

Add those to my typical favorites, and I am all set!  Bring on the holidays!

At the Risk of Sounding Negative...

Hundreds of facebookers have been using the month of November to focus on Thankfulness.

It makes sense.  I get it.  It is Thanksgiving after all.

I love all the posts.  I really do.  I read them almost every day and many of them have served as great reminders for me of ALL that I am thankful for.

But.....(you saw that coming, right?)....lately I have been facing several things that I am not so fond of.  Nothing terrible or life-altering, just not so much fun.

Like....

PANDAS.  Not a fan.  I'm never exactly sure what is going on in my little guy's body.  He is a bit of an emotional wreck lately.  The tics have not set in as of yet, but December has typically been a very iffy month for him.  Also January....February....and March.  It could be a long winter.

Papers.  I have been writing papers during my free time, my not-so-free time, and in my sleep.  I am SO ready to be done, but alas, I have 12 of them left.  Yes, 12.  Three more (8 total) due by Dec. 19, and 9 more due by April 1.

Legos.  OUCH.  Enough said.

Children Fighting.  Love the children.  Hate the fighting.  And the picking, irritating, egging on, and one-upping.  I had very lofty expectations that my children would be kind and encouraging to each other, and, at times, they are.  But other times... they wear me out.

I started writing this post two weeks ago.  (Remember those papers?  They sort of get in the way of blogging.)

The past two weeks my pastor has had sermons on none other than...."Being Thankful in all Circumstances". 

Imagine that.

God and that sense of humor of His.

So I will try.  I truly am thankful for my children....and legos for them to play with.....and to have the opportunity to be in grad school. 

But PANDAS....

I have some serious work to do.

The Most Unpolitical Political Post Ever Written

I am not a very political person.

I completely understand that this is not something to be proud of.  I know that it is my responsibility to stay up-to-date about what is going on.  I try to read enough to stay in the loop, to be able to formulate a relatively informed opinion, and to make sure I am supporting those who I want representing me.

This is not fun for me.  It takes a significant amount of effort, and frankly, I wish it were okay to just ignore it all.

But it's not.

So I attempt to be quietly aware.

'Quietly' carries significant importance when it comes to politics in my world.  I am related to several people with some very staunch political viewpoints.  This would not be a problem, except that I am related to some other people with equally as strong completely opposite viewpoints.

I am guessing everyone faces this in one way or another.

It doesn't really phase me.  I love them all (the people, not the viewpoints).

But I still choose 'quietly'.

When it comes to political parties, I wish I could pick and choose my favorite things about each party and vote for the candidate who fits all of THOSE criteria. Who doesn't wish that.

To be honest, I wasn't thrilled about either candidate.  While the role of president is obviously significant, I am pretty sure that one human in the White House isn't going to solve all of our problems.  I am also pretty sure that our entire future isn't resting on the shoulders of one individual.  And while I understand the sadness of a candidate losing, or the joy of a candidate winning, I am pretty sure that the blame for whatever has happened or will happen cannot be placed on a solitary person.

A few more things I feel relatively sure of....

• If each father and each mother governed their own family with integrity and honesty, this nation would be a much better place.
• If each boss treated his/her employees with respect and fairness, this nation's work ethic would be considerably improved.
• If each human being accepted the responsibility for his/her mistakes, the judicial system would be able to function as it was originally designed.
• If each family who was able would take care of one homeless person or one orphan, two international epidemics would be significantly impacted.
• If each person who was able would feed one hungry individual, world hunger would come to an end.

I have no intention here to sound preachy or judgmental.  I am simply thinking out loud and speaking to myself as much as anyone else.  I am overwhelmed at times because I have no power in and of myself to make any significant change. 

However....together....we really could make a difference.

So now what?

I'm not sure.   

The Week in Review

A couple of years ago, several fellow bloggers and I did a weekly Top 10 List. 

Actually, it was a Friday Top 10, but since today is Sunday, I am giving myself a little wiggle room.

I miss the Top 10 Lists.

Some were funny, some were sad, some were silly, and some were....well....odd.  But they were always entertaining.

So, for old time's sake, the chaotic thoughts running around in my head will become a Potpourri of Thoughts Top 10.

The Week in Review:

1.  We got my son's lab results back.  Every three months he gets his ASO titers checked to see if his levels have continued to decrease since his PANDAS diagnosis 6 months ago.  The answer: negative.  His levels went up.  Nearly 100 points up.  Higher than when he was diagnosed up.  This fact is sending this mama into a bit of a tailspin.  More on this in another post.

2.  The last week of class is always C.R.A.Z.Y.  No matter how hard I work to stay ahead, there is just no getting around this fact.  When this week is over I have to reintroduce myself to my husband and children, rediscover where the kitchen is located, and recover this very messy house.

3.  Speaking of this very messy house, my mom took off Friday afternoon to come help me.  Granted, she had to use some PTO or she would lose it, but the fact that she came over to help me clean is way above and beyond.  I hope to pay this forward some day with my own children.

4.  My computer crashed on me this week.  Twice.  The first time was Tuesday, and was fixed by Wednesday.  The second time was Thursday.  Our school's computer guy said, and I quote, "This is quickly going from bad to worse.  You need to back up your entire system before I do anything further."  Those are never words one wants to hear.  Too bad my computer would not read any external drives AT.ALL.  That makes backing up a bit tricky.

5.  Speaking of said computer guy...He deserves a huge shout out for all his work.  This guy VOLUNTEERS his time to help with the technology.  I'm guessing he spent at least 15 hours with my machine this week.  He is amazing.

6.  Yesterday we went to 2 weddings.  Both were beautiful.  One was a fairly traditional church wedding.  The other was outside in a pasture by a picturesque red barn.  I am guessing they weren't planning on it being 40 degrees, but seriously, an outside wedding with popcorn, toasted almonds, and hot chocolate is totally the way to go.  We wore jeans and wrapped up in blankets.  So fun!

7.  People around me this week have nicely insinuated that I have spent some extra time climbing up on soap boxes.  I didn't realize I had so many.  This weeks line-up included quality education, whining/disrespectful children (my own), and sportsmanship at games.  It may be best not to get me started on these issues.

8.  This week I discovered Pumpkin White Chocolate Chip cookies.  I love them.  My hips don't.  So far, I have won.

9.  We watched The Vow last night.  I had heard tons of people who were upset with the movie.  These were also the same people who had read  the book.  I figured I would like the movie since I had not read the book.  Overall, the movie was fine.  The ending was not.  Therefore, I now have to read the book!  My husband is highly regretting our decision to watch the movie.

10.  At this very moment there is a cat sitting outside my front door meowing his head off.  It is so loud that we thought there was a cat in our house when we first came home tonight.  If this keeps up, there are no guarantees what my husband will do to this cat.  However, the last time we had an animal on our front porch that wouldn't shut up or go away, we ended up adopting it.  I'm worried.

The outlook for the upcoming week doesn't look any less stressful.  I'm hanging on for the ride, finishing up class, hoping to get some medical answers, praying over my computer, and maybe even starting a new book....right after I finish cleaning the house.

Week Three - Action Research

Done, DONE, D.O.N.E.!!

I am finished with this little project.

Well, I am finished with the data collection part.

I also had great intentions to be finished with the paper part of this project (which is definitely not little), but alas, I am still plugging away with that.

As much as I am making it sound like a ton of work, honestly, this class has been great.  It is not uncommon for me to love my classes, but it is a rare find when one is so incredibly applicable to both education and "real life".  (In my world, education is "real life", but you know what I mean...)

So....week three. 

As far as data goes, unfortunately there was really no change in anything this week.  My pain/discomfort is still off and on, but I would say reaches to the same level as last week.  My energy level is better than the beginning of the project, but I saw no improvement from last week to this week.

Several reasons for this run through my mind. Of course, they are all just guesses.  This week has been high-stress, low-sleep, and mentally draining.  In addition to that, I am wondering if the diet is causing me to feel somewhat lethargic.  This would seem odd since I am technically eating so super healthy, but I have been so busy this week, that I have not taken the time to put much variety in what I am eating.  It is the same whole foods over and over, which makes me wonder even these "super healthy" foods are not giving me a wide enough variety of nutrients.  One more factor that would contribute to that....those of you who know me well know that when God distributed taste buds, He did not exactly give me a wide variety.  So much of what I should be eating simply tastes awful to me. 

So....if I am going to continue this strategy in my world, which I should do because it obviously made me feel quite a bit better in just a short time, one thing is obvious.

I am going to have to finally grow up and learn to like those weird foods.

Action Research Data - Week Two

Two weeks down.

If you missed the background information, go here and then here.

It's time for the weekly update. 

Here's the summary -- eating whole foods and whole foods only is hard.  Stinkin' hard. 

It takes a ton of time to plan and prepare meals and to pack lunches for school.  Social eating is almost nonexistent.  Eating out, extended family dinners, reunions, church potlucks, and funeral dinners have all been a struggle.  I have been intentionally avoiding situations where I have to say..."I'm doing this action research project on myself...".

In case you were wondering, the honeymoon "excitement from starting something new" has worn off. 

That is the bad news.

The good news is that this strategy is working (either that or I want it to work so badly that I have convinced myself that it is working!). My pain and discomfort are decreasing and my energy level is increasing.  Again, this is hard to measure, but I honestly feel that great gains have been made this week.  Enough gain, in fact, that I am going to continue on and collect data for at least one more week even though I could technically stop at this point. 

Which makes me either:

1) Very committed to this little project.

...or....

2) Borderline crazy.

I'll let you know next week.

The Value of Time

A couple weekends ago we went on our maiden voyage with our new (to us) camper. 

 

I debated about this purchase for quite some time...the money....the time....the upkeep....not to mention, is it the "right" thing to do? There are so many good causes and ministries we could give that money to.  We need to be more diligent about saving for college.  Is this the right way to use our money?  It was a tough decision. 

 

But honestly, so far -- and by 'so far' I mean a grand total of 48 hours of camping -- it has been so worth it. 

 

The boys LOVED it.

The weather was beautiful.

We had our own space.

We spent time together.

 

There is that key word.

 

Time.

 

It seems like such a minor thing.  However, in our world of jobs, grad school, church, school for the kids, homework, chores, Fire and EMS training, and the general busyness of life, time is a precious commodity. 

 

The lake is a perfect place for our family.  No Internet, no email, no meetings, and no fire/EMS calls.  No interruptions. 

 

Just time together....playing, laughing, talking, spending time with grandparents, enjoying God's gorgeous creation, making memories.  

 

So far, so good.

 

Two happy boys after helping with set up.  

 

 

Time at the campground park...

 



...and on the boat with grandpa and grandma.

 



 

The fish were even biting (sort of...).

 

It takes a special talent to get the poles all tangled up when reeling in the fish.

 



 

The little guy loves catching fish.

His brother hides behind the "gross fish blocker" in case a fish decides to get feisty and flop around.  Heaven forbid a fish comes close to him. 

I have no idea where he gets this foolish trait from, but just so you know, I would have been right there with him if I hadn't been taking the picture.

 



And when fishing gets boring...UNO.

 



 

Thank goodness the blue-green algae ban has been lifted. 

 



 

It may have been a bit cool for jet-skiing, but they weren't going to let that stop them.  I honestly have never in my entire life seen anyone jet-ski with sweatshirts on.  This takes tacky to a whole new level.

 



 

As we were packing up to head home, I noticed the boys sitting together playing so nicely for a really long time.  I was so impressed that I ran to grab my camera to capture the moment.

 



And...then I realized what they were doing. 

Eh, what harm is there in a little sibling-roping?

 



No tears.

No hitting.

No blood.

No fighting.

 

It's all good.  I'm going to call it quality time.

Action Research - Week One Data

If you have no idea what this post is about, and wonder why I am rambling aimlessly about a research project....click here.

It is time for the week one update.

I know you have all been on pins and needles just waiting for my data collection information.

Week one has been filled with mixed emotions.  Eating a whole foods diet has been hard - but not as hard as I thought it would be.  There is always an element of excitement about starting something "new", which is what I think has carried me through this week. 

For the first 5 days, I noticed no change whatsoever in my energy level or pain level.  However, at the very end of the week I all of the sudden realized I was feeling better. 

My energy level seems to be increasing.  I keep trying to evaluate why this is -- is it really from a fairly drastic change in diet?  Or am I getting more sleep?  Am I less stressed in other areas of life? It is difficult to know, but the bottom line is that my energy level is better. 

I am working hard to keep all other factors - sleep, exercise, daily routine, etc. - unchanged in order to have the most accurate results. 

Enough for now. 

Hoping for even better results next week.

And for the will power to stay away from junk food.

When God Speaks Through Facebook

It's been awhile since I have been online.  However, this past week I realized that multiple family members check in via this blog and have wondered where we have gone.

 

And since there is nothing more frustrating than a blog that is never updated {cough, cough....}, I decided I better pull things together and get going again.

 

So I went through some pictures and devised in my mind some ideas for a few clever little posts about...

....our weekend at the lake.

....or how crazy my day was.

....or the fact that if I step on ONE.MORE.LEGO this week, I may just throw them all away.

 

But before I ventured over to Blogger, I checked in on Facebook first.

 

A friend's status said this:

 

September 11th gained a new meaning for me today. It still represents courage and strength. It represents pride and a bond between people that love each other that is amazing. And today it represents heart wrenching loss. Today my sister lost her courageous fight with cancer. Never have I been more proud of someone. I have a hole that will never be filled. Today I lost my best friend and I will never be the same. I love you so much {sister's name}!! I cry for you tonight!

 

For just a moment, time stood still.  My heart broke in a million pieces for my friend.  I knew that her sister was battling cancer and that things hadn't been good as of late, but I had no idea that she was so close to the end.

 

Suddenly my weekend at the lake, my to-do lists, and the infuriating legos didn't matter so much. 

 

I continued scrolling down through facebook and soon saw this status posted by another friend:

 

We live in a crazy world where it feels like things just don't always make sense. We see loss and disappointment all around us and sometimes we wonder why didn't God answer this prayer or that prayer or why is this person suffering.

As a man of faith, I trust that God's plan is perfect and timed perfectly. As a man, I know that sometimes God's timing and my timing don't line up and I can find...

myself feeling lost or discouraged. I think at some point, as a faithful person you have to put your faith in God, His Plan and His timing. There is peace in that surrender to Him.

In my spiritual journey over the last few years I have changed the way I pray. I firmly believe God can and does work miracles (PRAISE THE LORD!!) for us. But I also know that His plan doesn't always include that miracle we prayed for or we know our fellow Brothers and Sisters are praying for.

When I pray, I ask God for these 3 things:
1. The miracle or outcome I hope for.
2. That God's plan overrides my own and others wishes, as His plan is always the best
3. That God provides peace for myself and others who need to live with item number two. With that peace will hopefully also come some wisdom.

Getting to 3 is much easier if you can find it in you to surrender to Him and be His child. Let God be God and you be his child. Seek comfort in His plan. Seek wisdom in His timing.

I don't know who this if for, but God put this on my heart today. May this reach you in the way He needs and provide comfort for your Spirit.

 

By this point, I am seriously fighting back the tears.  Not very successfully, I might add.

 

These two friends are high school classmates of mine.  I have no idea if the second wrote his post specificially for the first.  I do know that it made me think.  A lot.

 

When is the last time I really stopped to think, really THINK, about how God answers prayer?  When is the last time that I prayed intently that God's plan overrides my own?  Sure, I have said those words lately, even when praying, but have I really, REALLY meant them? 

 

Because, honestly, while I know in my heart of hearts that God's plan is exactly what I want, I can get pretty caught up in my own well-laid plans.

Here's the thing.  I am immersed in Christian education.  We have daily conversations about God's will for our lives.  I am constantly focused on the students' goals and dreams, academic performance, and spiritual growth.  I KNOW the right answer in my head and my heart; unfortunately, my moment-to-moment actions do not always show that I desire God's plans to squash my plans into the dirt. 

While still absorbing the impact of my friends' posts, I continued to scroll through my Facebook newsfeed. 

I noticed that another friend (ironically, a third classmate from high school) had posted a link to her recent blog.  I read the first paragraph:

 

My priorities are way out of whack. Prior to my trip {to Haiti} I really thought I had it pretty together. I thought my priorities lined up with what scripture said and I thought my life generally reflected that. Now I know better. I have let too much of my life be consumed with the distractions of my culture and surroundings. I worried about what others thought of my hair, my clothes and my home, about what they thought about me. I woke up each morning, wrote out my to do list and got it done. Usually at the cost of sitting down with a friend and building a relationship.

Ouch.

Let me say that again.

OUCH.

She wrote it beautifully.  It was exactly what I needed to hear.  In fact, all three posts were exactly what I needed to hear.  All different, yet powerful.  All different, yet intertwined.

I have no idea what changes this will bring about.  They may only be little tweeks.

Or it may be something big.

I don't know yet.

But I do know one thing....God uses whatever means He wants to speak to people.

Even Facebook.

A Little Homework Project

I never thought I would be using my blog for a homework assignment.

Never say never.

Sorry to drag you along with me, but my original plan didn't work out so well.

I'm in a great class right now called Inquiry and Research.  We were assigned to do an Action Research Project on anything our little hearts desired.  Since we are a group of Education-junkies, one would think that we each would have chosen to do our projects in our schools on something education related.

One would be wrong.

We have been immersed in grad school for so long, that when presented with the opportunity to do a little Action Research on our personal lives, many of us jumped at the chance.

Here is our assignment in a nutshell:

• Pick a problem.
• Determine who will be a part of the action research.
• Devise a strategy to implement.
• Determine two things the strategy will effect.
• Collect data.
• Analyze data.
• Determine action based on the data.

That is the short version.  The long version includes an abstract, researching several sources, a detailed rubric, and a 10-15 page paper on the project.  But I won't bore you with those details.

Back to my little project.

Part of the data collection piece includes qualitative data and quantitative data.  Quantitative data is right up my alley.  Numbers, statistics, right and wrong, black and white.  That part will be easy.

Qualitative data, on the other hand, is descriptive in nature, with no happy little numbers to define the results.  Qualitative data can be acquired in a variety of ways....including surveys, journals, interviews, blogs.....

Aha....a blog.

There was one I knew I could do. 

I had this goal of setting up my own little project blog to track the data of my action research strategy.  A week or so into the project, I got a little overwhelmed with setting up an entire blog just for that.

So, here I am, prepared to make you follow my study.

Here is a short history on what I am doing:

Back in 2009 I was diagnosed with Polycystic Liver Disease.  It sounds terrible, but the vast majority of people live normal, fairly non-symptomatic lives even though they have a liver covered with cysts.  They are watching me for Polycystic Kidney Disease as well, which is much worse, but so far things are holding steady. 

As cysts grow and change, the most common symptom is pain/discomfort.  The cysts can also cause a person to feel full faster (some days I almost wish for this one...), have low energy level, and just overall not feel great because the organs are working harder to flush out all the junk we put in our bodies.

Anywhooo...I have been feeling a little less than stellar lately and have been experiencing some pain.  Short of doing another CT scan, I don't actually know that the pain is coming from PLD.  The symptoms match and the location of the discomfort matches, but beyond that, who knows.

While researching PLD I came across diet suggestions to help with these symptoms.  The "research" varies on the exact things to eat, but the overall idea is the same.

Whole foods.

No shocker there.

Stay away from anything processed and packed with preservatives.  No refined sugars, etc., etc. 

This makes sense.  My liver and kidneys already have to work a bit harder due to the cysts, and adding all of the chemical junk cannot be good for those organs.

So here we go.

Quantitatively, my pain/discomfort is off and on, but reaches around a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10.  I will be rating this each week.

Qualitatively, my energy level is relatively low.  I have to push myself to get motivated to be active.   I am sure there are a plethora of potential factors, but I am going to try not to alter much in my world except for the diet.  The goal is to see if my energy level will increase over the next few weeks.  I will be posting weekly to track my progress.

It will not be thrilling or exciting, but homework is homework, and you, my friend, get to embrace it with me!

The research begins now.

Senioritis

I am currently not a fan of homework.

At all.

The weather is gorgeous outside.

My kids are gone for a 5 day trip with grandpa and grandma.

I have gift cards to use at Olive Garden, Hobby Lobby, and Maurices.

And here I sit on Friday night doing HOMEWORK.

And what about Saturday and Sunday?

Homework.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Let's not get confused here:

The class I'm taking - love it.  I am learning a lot.
The program I am in - love it.  I'm thankful I chose it.
My professors - great. No complaints.

However, I seem to be suffering from a case of senioritis......way, WAY too early.

Or maybe it's just I've-spent-most-of-my-summer-in-class-itis.

Either way,  I have got to figure out a way to get it all done.

Which probably isn't going to happen while blogging.

OK, OK....I'm going.

Right after I check Facebook.

A Little Life Update

It is August.  August 1st for me means full-time working, full-time babysitting for the kids, and full-time mom guilt. 

Truth be told, the kids don't really hate it. They get to spend a ton of time at both grandma's and grandpa's houses, not to mention lots of time with the cousins.  But, I still don't like it. 

I just realized that I am whining at 15 actual days of work.  I'll stop now.

In other news...

I had an MRI on my knee the other day.  This situation is somewhat embarrassing, as I have no idea what I did to cause this pain.  Falling down the stairs would be much easier explanation than "I have pain behind my knee that only hurts badly when I try to sit cross-legged, bend (squat) down, or extend my leg out very straight."  I have put up with this little nuisance for a long time now, but last month it started causing my foot to tingle.  That part does not make me incredibly thrilled.

I see the doctor on Friday.  I'm hoping for answers which do not include surgery.

Moving on...

My boys have become somewhat addicted to the Olympics.  I am justifying the constant TV watching by labeling it a cultural only-happens-once-every-four-years event.  Yes, I realize the winter Olympics will be in two years.

And finally....

Next week marks a new experience for us.  We are packing up our little people and sending them on a road trip with Grandpa and Grandma.  We usually go to Illinois to see the fam every summer, but between class, work, and our vacation, it just didn't happen for us this summer. 

My mom, however, was determined to make it happen for her.

And when she asked if she should take the boys along, I did not hesitate for long.

Actually, I don't think I hesitated at all. 

I may have said something like, "Are you serious???" 

I'm not sure why sending the boys away feels different than leaving them at Grandma's while WE go away, but it does.  I am excited for them to have this time with their grandparents.  These kinds of trips were some of my favorite childhood memories.

It's really too bad that those five days are so jam-packed that I will hardly see my husband.

Oh well, there's always retirement.

Sometimes It Just Takes A Little...

....kick in the pants.

I am in a new Bible Study this summer.

It is hittin' me right where it hurts.

When I heard about this Bible study, I was torn.  I knew the leaders would be good.  I knew several friends who were going to do it.  I knew I probably SHOULD be there.  My brain kept saying, "I cannot do one more thing." 

I went anyway. 

I should have known by the title that this was going to be ugly.

"EXTREME SPIRITUAL MAKEOVER: HEART EDITION."

That part sounded okay.  It was the sub-title that made me cringe.

"Reflecting the Heart of Christ in My Priorities."

Ugh.

I always have good intentions.  I know in my mind what my priorities are.  However, sometimes (often) I get way too caught up in things I love to do -- both on and off the job -- and I over-commit.  They are not bad things, most are even areas of ministry, but it's often too much.

So the Bible Study started something like this:

Priority #1 - A Heart Consumed with God

This sounded like a good place to start.  I honestly thought this section might be somewhat of a "review".

And then I started hearing things like...
*We assume too easily that we know God or love God.
*Do you love God more than you want your next breath?
*What does God see when He looks at my heart?
*Life is not all about me; it is about HIM. 
*Do I live like I know Him personally or like I know about Him distantly?
*Do I enjoy God, or do I do things just out of duty?

And that was just the first week. 

Next we ventured into Priority #2 - A Heart Prepared to Serve

Let's just say this one hurt a little bit, too.  I can sum it up pretty well with this quote from the study, "We plan our lives around the world and not around God, and wonder why our lives are mediocre."

I thought Priority #3 would give me a little reprieve.  It was "A Heart Devoted to My Husband".  I have no idea why I received such a blessing in this area, but my husband is amazing.  I was ready to coast for awhile...

...and then the subject of self-denial was presented.  Human beings as a whole (or at least Americans) struggle with this concept, and I am no exception.  John McArthur wrote a great piece on self-denial, but this sentence pretty much sums it up...."When you are content with any food, any offering, any clothes, any climate, any solitude, any society, any interruption by the will of God---That is dying to self."

O.K.A.Y.

And then there was today.

Priority #4:  A Heart Devoted to My Children.

I have pages of notes about the important role we play in the spiritual nurturing in our children's lives. 

It was all good stuff to think about.

More than "think about", it was all good stuff to be intentional about doing.

I left overwhelmed.

And rethinking my priorities.

Again.

I Will Never Let Him Forget This

Every now and then my kids say something that just makes me LAUGH. 

Today's conversation had to be put into writing.

Not because it is funny, but because I need it documented so I can remind my son of this next month.

And next year.

And when he is 8, 11, 12, 15, 18....

I pulled into the gas station and got out to put fuel in the car.  I was almost done when my oldest son opened his door and said, "It's getting really hot in here."  He did not realized I was finishing right when he said that.

I got right into the car and turned the car on.

He started screaming, "Don't do that! You can't do that!  There is gas pumping into the car!"

I was thankful that he knew this little fact of life, and quickly explained that I was done filling up and that I did not start the car while putting in fuel. 

Then I heard the little guy in the back seat.  "That would have been a dumb decision."

I did not disagree.  "Yes," I said, "that would have been a dumb decision."

Then I heard him whisper (I do not know why he was whispering...), "Parents don't make dumb decisions."

I laughed (to myself, of course), and replied, "You don't think parents make dumb decisions, huh?"

To which  my 6 year old proclaimed, "For a parent to make a dumb decision would be highly unlikely."

Can we just FREEZE TIME??

Brainwashing is a beautiful thing.

Still More Evidence That We Are Not Pet People

Three years ago we got a dog.

Or more like, the dog showed up on our porch and wouldn't leave.

If you need the full version of the story, click here.

The short version is this:

We adopted the dog.

The kids begged and begged to have her.

We decided it would be a good idea for them to have a pet and learn some responsibility.

We fed her every day. 

The kids played with her.  The adults tried.

She tolerated me.  She hated my husband.

The responsibility thing went out of the window.  My husband did everything for her to try to teach her that he was not going to hurt her.

It did not work.

This summer she started acting weird.  She started nipping at my kids and just wasn't acting "normal" (well, for her anyway). 

Taking her to the vet wasn't an option because she wouldn't let any adult close enough to her to actually get her into a vehicle.  We tried a couple of times.  It would have made a very comical video.

She used to allow this.

Not anymore.  She was even strange with the kids. 

We called the vet to ask for some advice.  All things considered -- acting weird, not current on shots, etc., etc. -- they said we were probably going to have to put her down as a safety factor for the kids.  We had a feeling this is what they would say.

This was right before vacation. 

This may be terrible, horrible parenting, but we decided to go ahead and let my FIL put her down while we were gone.  We didn't tell the kids.  We honestly did not even think about letting them tell her "goodbye". 

I may have mentioned once or twice that we are not really "pet people". 

On vacation, we discussed what the best way would be to tell the kids.  After thinking about it, my husband said, "Actually, I want to wait and see how long it takes them to notice that she is gone."

I am sure this advice can not be found in any sane parenting book. 

Here's the deal.

We have been home for a week.

168 hours.

They have not said ONE WORD.

How is it possible that they do not notice that the dog is gone? 

Granted, she didn't live inside or anything, but really?? 

I am in awe of this mystery.  Every day I want to shout out, "have you noticed anything missing around here?!" 

Maybe tomorrow.

"40" Revisited

Once I returned from our vacation, I realized that I let my birthday come and go this year without revisiting my "40 before 40" list. 

I am two years into this little project, and NOT.EVEN.CLOSE to 2/5 of the way complete.  I am going to blame this on the fact that last summer I went back to work full time and I started my master's degree.  Every time I say those words out loud (or type them on the computer) I realize how incredibly dumb that decision sounds. 

I won't deny it....it probably wasn't the best choice I have ever made to do both of those big changes at the same time.  However, I am now over half-way through, and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  I am hoping that soon I will look back and be able to say "that wasn't so bad".  No guarantees on that one.

Time to see where I am at on the infamous list....

1. Catch up on my kids' scrapbooks. {Last year I said I made progress.  This year that same comment would make me a liar.  Funny how every time I think I am catching up, those crazy kids just seem to keep getting older.}

2. Exercise faithfully. No more four weeks on, three weeks off. There is a reason no one markets that routine. {Yeah....nope.  Remember that 'working full time and getting my master's' thing?}

3. Go on vacation for an entire week with just my immediate family, and not because work sent us. {Ah hah - DONE!}

4. Read 5 classics recommended by my classic literature fanatic friend. {Shoot, now I have to read more than one per year.}

5. Go snow skiing for the 2nd time. The first time was okay, but everyone says you have to go a second time to really enjoy it. {Negative.}

6. Take my children to a professional football or baseball game. {DONE. Colorado Rockies vs. Chicago Cubs - July 2010.}

7. Visit at least half of the States. So far I think I've only been to 15. {I really, really thought our trip would knock this one out.  Turns out now I have been to 24 states, and that is only if you include Georgia since we landed in Atlanta on our way to England a few years ago.  I knew I should have made my husband take the long route and drive through the corner of Nevada last week....}

8. Develop and keep up a habit of drinking 6-8 glasses of water each day. {Not even close.}

9. Landscape - or better yet, hire someone - to landscape our front yard. {Instead, last summer's heat pretty much killed the whole thing off.  This summer isn't helping either.}

10. Begin and maintain a well-tended garden. {DONE!! Well-tended is relative.  We've had a garden for 2 years now, so I'm gonna call this one good.}

11. Go through the entire house, basement included, room by room, throw out junk, and organize everything. {Ha ha ha ha ha....}

12. Go to the Mall of America. {On the way home from Oregon, my boys were planning our next big vacation.  They want to go northeast next time and see what is the other direction.  We may have to venture to the mall on the way!}

13. Complete a family scrapbook - One that my husband and I actually appear in. {See note on #1.}

14. Read the Bible through in a year. I started this year, but at the rate I am going, I may hit the New Testament in 5 years.  {Did not even make this a goal this year, but at least I am in a great Bible study right now!}

15. See the Grand Canyon. {I am a little nervous that this one won't happen in the next three years considering the direction the rest of the family wants to travel next time.}

16. Get my Master's Degree. {Three classes and field experience left.}

17. Repaint all the walls in my house. {See post in near future about this little issue.}

18. Remember my friends' and family members' birthdays by sending cards, calling, or at least sending emails. {Not bad this year. If I'm desperate, I could say DONE!....That was last year, so I am just going to pretend that I did as well this year.}

19. Get new living room furniture.  {I have brought this up a few times to my dear hubby.  So far, no answer.  I'm thinking he thinks the little guy has not out-grown his destructo phase...which has pretty much been his whole life.}

20. Teach, by example, my kids to volunteer and think of others more. {This has not been a banner year for this one.}

21. Eat less sugar. {Or this one.}

22. Begin recycling and keep it up faithfully. {Still DONE!}

23. Relearn to play the piano well. {I have decided the easiest way to do this is to keep playing the songs my son plays as he progresses through each level. I have successfully mastered Level 2 (that was 2011)...... Unfortunate update on this one -- son has taken a 4 month break and thinks he wants to quit.  I have been showering him with articles about music lessons increasing your academic success and raising test scores.  He's pondering his next move.}

24. See Niagara Falls. {Planning for the future.}

25. Make a family recipe book. I come from a family, and married into a family, with slews of amazing cooks. It would be sad not to pretend that I like to cook and document all of their fabulous recipes.  {Haven't even thought about starting this one.}

26. Still be taking girls' weekends. {So far, so good.}

27. Lay on a beach. Since we love going to the lake, let me qualify this by saying a beach at the local reservoir does not count. I should not be able to see land on the other side of the water.  {CHECK!}

28. Write an adoption book for my son.  {Still trying to figure out the best way to do this.}

29. Have my entire wardrobe be in a single digit size for the first time since I was twelve years old.  {How many of these can I possibly blame on working on a degree??}

30. Go on a mission trip, preferably a family mission trip.  {Waiting til the boys are a bit older.}

31. Tell my kids everyday that I love them. {Unless I don't see or talk to them....}

32. Spend more time putting others before myself. {Uhhhh....ouch.}

33. Consistently do family devotions.  {I can honestly say we have done better this year.  We may not have reached "consistent", but we have improved.}

34. Visit my brother in Oregon.  {YEP!  Don't worry big brother, this list isn't the only reason we came to see you!} :-)

35. Lead a workshop at a Teacher Convention.  {Somebody please tell me why I put this one on here.}

36. Be able to run a 5K. {Not without dying.}

37. Try more food that ends with -ese....Chinese....Japanese..... {I've been to PF Changs twice, does that count?}

38. Spend an entire weekend at home without kids.  {Mom and dad....I'm gonna need your help here!}

39. Water ski for more than a minute without screaming. {First that nasty lake is going to have to clean up its blue-green algae issue.}

40. Practice saying "forty" so I don't pass out when the day arrives. {No, no, and NO!}


I'm doing pretty well!

If I were only 36.

Hmmmmph.

Friday Nights After 15 Years

After being married for 15 years, Friday nights aren't quite what they used to be.

I am looking around and finding it almost comical.

I am sitting in the recliner staring at my laptop.

My husband is sitting on the coach staring at his work laptop.  He is also texting and clearing contacts out of his phone.  We are laughing about the fact that he doesn't remember some of the people he has saved in his phone.

Small disclaimer here on the patheticness of this evening -- I am not feeling well.  I have a sore throat/cold that is hanging in the balance.  I could wake up feeling nearly perfectly normal tomorrow....or I will wake up SICK.  I am hoping for the former. 

That sad part is, I am not completely sure that this evening would look much different if I was feeling 100%.

The boys' twin cousins are over for the night tonight, and the boys are all entertaining themselves downstairs with basketball, air hockey, and wii games. 

We are sitting upstairs catching up budgets and working.

They are downstairs hollering and laughing.

We are upstairs yawning and going through the mail.

They are begging for more time to stay up and play.

We are counting the minutes until everyone goes to bed. 

They are fun and energetic.

We are....not.

Wanna come hang out??

A Big Dose of Reality

We arrived back home at 8:30 on Tuesday night.
The husband and I discussed whether or not to go back to work on Wednesday.  This was a bit of a point of contention for us.  We both had technically taken Wednesday off just in case we needed one more day for the long trip home.   He wanted to stay home to get some things done so he wouldn't feel so overwhelmed with all that there is to do.  I wanted to go to work to get some things done so I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed with all that there is to do. 

We ended up going back to work.  We both came home wondering why. 

It really was a good decision for me to go in and wade through what needed to be done.  However, it is  discouraging to come home with a longer to-do list than I went with. 

The laundry has overtaken what was once a wonderfully clean house.  The piles of clean laundry are lining up for battle with the piles of dirty laundry, but currently I have no idea which side is winning.

Speaking of a clean house, I am convinced that the only way to keep the house clean is to not live in it.

The kids are fighting unmercifully.  I really should be thankful that they were amazing on the entire trip, but at this moment, they are doing a great job of blotting out those memories.

By the end of our trip, we had eaten at so many restaurants that I put a "ban" on eating out and junk food.  This seemed like a great idea while watching my kids eat their last vacation meal of unhealthy food.  Now this means grocery shopping, menu planning, and cooking.  As much as I got tired of eating out, I never got tired of not cooking!  It has taken me most of the morning just to figure out how to restock this house.

Now that I have spent half my day mourning the fact that reality has hit, it is time to embrace it.  I am thankful for a great vacation, for safety on our trip, and for family time.  Now it is my turn to be thankful for a cool house to come home to, a job which surrounds me with great colleagues and an avenue for ministry, and the ability and desire to care for my family. 

Here's to looking forward to the rest of the summer.

Day 12

After a final long day of travel, we are home. 

The suitcases are unpacked, and the laundry is piled high.

It really is true, it is much easier to come home when the house is clean.

Here are a few random "Trip Wrap-Up" facts and thoughts....

1.  It is illegal to pump your own fuel in Oregon.  This took awhile to get used to.  Actually, I am not sure my husband ever got used to it.  I could see some huge advantages to this (snow, rain, wind....), but it is not fantastic when you are in a big hurry.

2. Speaking of hurry, we may be able to learn a thing or two from the people in Oregon.  The fuel thing might work there because it honestly does not seem like people in Oregon are in near as huge of a hurry as the rest of the world, especially when it comes to driving.  Although not perfect, they are in general more cautious than anywhere else we went.  The 55 mph speed limits on highways were definitely new and different.

3.  If I hear "Can we go to a gift shop?" or "Can we buy something here?" from my little guy one more time, I may just explode.  The boy is obsessed.  I will say, however, that when he gets something new, it does typically entertain him quite well -- at least for 12 hours.

4.  The funniest quote from the whole trip is still up for debate.  For awhile it was the "Are these guys all dead?" comment at Mount Rushmore.  However, yesterday afternoon, after driving a collective 58ish hours, we crossed back over the KS state line.  After I said, "We're back in Kansas, boys.", the little guy piped up, "We're not in Oregon anymore?!? Shoot."

5.  Finally, this trip was definitely a lesson in geography for all of us.  Not traveling much as a kid, I had no idea (beyond textbooks and virtual pictures) what we would see past Colorado.  Needless to say, God must like variety, and He did a pretty good job of sharing it with us.  Imagine that.