A Day of Remembrance

One hope that I have for my children is that Christmas will never become commonplace for them.  I have no doubt that they will always love the anticipation of Christmas, the gifts, the family activities, the Christmas lights, and the break from school. 

But my fear is that with all of the things we do to make Christmas "special"...will they remember the Christ child in the manger?

If you ask them what Christmas is really all about, they definitely know the right answer.  They will tell you that it is about Jesus being born into this world.  They know that we are celebrating the birth of God's son.

But is that what they really look forward to?  Is that what they long for about Christmas?

Every year I wonder how I can make Christmas -- the REAL Christmas -- more alive in their eyes, more meaningful, and more personal.

I don't want them to take the birth of Jesus for granted.

Christmas Eve is the day I think about this issue the most.

It is because it is also the day I think about my own children the most.

Do I take them for granted?  Do I rush through each day and each week checking off my to do lists, scrambling to get where we need to go, and wishing they could just.be.more.responsible?  Or do I take the time to cherish the blessing that they are?

Christmas Eve holds a special significance for us, so it has naturally become a day in which I reflect back over our journey of being a family of two to being a family of four. 

While I am thankful that the pain of infertility has lessened over the years, I pray that I never forget the lessons learned, the joys, the sorrows, and the growth we experienced during the process.

I pray that we never forget...
...the pain of miscarrying our first baby in March of 2000.
...the hopes that were dashed when we lost our second in August of 2000.
...the agonizing feelings that came with losing our third in May of 2001. 
...the uncertainty we felt when we were told we were expecting twins in 2002.
...the sadness that came when we lost one of those twins.
...and the miracle of the arrival of the one we didn't lose.

For these things taught me that I am not in control.

I pray that we never forget...
...the feeling of defeat when we miscarried again in 2005.
...the horror of ER visits and emergency surgery.
...the news that two more little twins were gone.
...the desperation of miscarrying one final time in 2006.

For these things taught me the power of prayer.

I pray that we never forget...
...the many prayers that were offered up for us.
...the decision to look into adoption "just in case" God had a baby for us out there.
...the nervous energy once our adoption profile was submitted.
...and the miraculous phone call we received seven years ago this very day that we had been chosen to adopt a baby boy.

For these things taught me that I am loved.

How is it possible that after all of this, after all of the pain and prayers and longing, that I could possibly take the blessing of my children for granted?

And even more than that, how is it possible that I could take the precious gift of Christ for granted, especially at this time of year?

I am full of wonder every Christmas Eve.

Many days I need to be reminded to be filled with that same wonder.

May this Christmas season bring you a longing for much more than gifts and holiday activities.  May it bring a renewed sense of awe for your family...and especially for that baby in the manger.