Feeling Sentimental

Yesterday was a rough day for napping. My son fell asleep for 20 minutes in the nursery at church, so I instantly knew it was going to throw the entire day into a tailspin. I didn't worry too much about it throwing off his nap since we were spending the majority of the afternoon at Target and Walmart getting some much needed supplies. However, when we were driving home at 5:00 p.m., and he hadn't slept a wink since church, I was getting nervous. An hour later, we made the mistake of driving 3 miles to grandma's house, where he managed to get in a 10 minute nap to get him through the rest of the evening and make bedtime a disaster.


Needless to say, the bedtime routine was not fun. I had a severely over-tired child who DID NOT want to go to bed. I put him in his crib like I do every night and walked out, only to hear intense screaming that would not let up. Since I knew he had not had a typical day, I gave in and started rocking him to sleep. It was in this moment that I wondered why I had not done this every night of his short life.


Don't get me wrong, I have rocked my child before, but last night he laid there and stared up at me with his big brown eyes and never looked away. He was so tired, I thought it would take three minutes of rocking and he'd crash, but 20 minutes later he was still awake, still staring at me and turning me into puddy in his hands. A thousand thoughts were racing through my mind all at one time. It was one of those "oh, wow, I have been given the responsibility to make him feel loved, safe, fed, clean, rested, and a million other things" moments. Parenting is a huge job.


It was also a God moment for me. This may sound strange, but one of my favorite parts of having had the privilege to adopt a child is that it has opened my eyes even greater to God's love for each of us. Before we adopted, several people asked me if I thought it was possible to love an adopted child as much as my own biological child. The answer is emphatically yes. It makes me realize that God chose to love us, to call us his children, even though He didn't have to. Just as we sought out a baby, He seeks us out as well. It's a comforting thought in the midst of all the chaos of life.


I think I'll carve out a little rocking time in the bedtime routine from now on.