The Weekend Summary -- via the 2 year old

This weekend my husband was in the fields helping his dad get ready to plant wheat. The other grandma and grandpa were at the lake for the last time this season, so at the last minute the boys and I headed out Saturday for one final camping weekend of the year.

Here is the summary...quoted from my 2 yo.

"Daddy, the fish pooped ALL OVER THE BOAT.

And then we caught a fish and it got away and then we caught it again.

And I tried to touch the fishies.

And he kept wagging his tail!

And daddy, the fishy pooped ALL OVER THE BOAT!

And the fishy tickled and tickled me.

And we caught a fish and he fell off the back of the boat and dived in the water!

And the big fish pooped ALL OVER THE BOAT!"


Nevermind the stuff we did the other 30 hours. I guess playing with sand toys, time at the park, going on bike rides, watching favorite pbs shows, playing football, and sleeping in grandma's camper just don't compare to incredibly disgusting fish.....elimination.

Glazed Over

I'm currently sitting at the kitchen table observing my surroundings. The sink is overflowing with dishes. The dust on the piano is thick. I may have to take a putty knife to the hardwood floor to get all the junk off. There are toys all over the living room. Who wanted an open floor plan anyway?? I can see way too much nastiness all at once. I'm secretly desiring to put my house on the market just so it will end up being clean.

Beside me sits a pile of lesson plans, grading, and stacks of books for tomorrow. Tonight we are helping my sister-in-law move. My oldest son is chasing my youngest son around the house with a power drill (toy, of course). And here I am completely glazed over staring at my computer.

STRESS. I've brought a little more on myself this year than I had originally intended. I'm the first to admit, a lot of it is my fault. I'm teaching the Life of Christ in Bible, and today we studied the Christmas story. So, in order to set the mood a bit (since it's SEPTEMBER), what do I decide to do? Spend an entire afternoon baking Christmas cookies for the class. This morning while getting ready, I decided it would be fun to teach like terms in algebra today with skittles and manipulatives. I do weird stuff like this because I hate boring class times as much as the students. I wish I could just open the book and assign homework.

Here is the most annoying thing about stress. When I'm stressed, I eat. Then I get stressed because I'm gaining weight. Then I hate the way I look and my clothes are tight and...I just want to eat. How does one break THAT cycle?

But I digress. From what? - I'm not exactly sure. Hence the title: glazed over. All I know is I have about 24 hours of preparation needed for an in-service that starts in 19 hours.

Potty Training Fiasco #4,357

This morning I heard my two year old yelling from across the house, "Poop! Mom, poop!" I knew at that moment that the world was truly coming to an end -- my son was actually telling me when he needed to go. I went racing for him in a monumental attempt to make it on time.

Instead, I met him in the hallway CARRYING his messy underwear, proudly saying, "I took them off for you!" Oh good grief. Of course I couldn't have been lucky enough for this to be a one-wipe kind of poop. Nnnnooooooo, it had to be the holy-cow-someone-has-given-this-kid-too-much-apple-juice kind.

After an unsuccessful attempt at cleaning him up, I threw him in the bathtub and armed myself with rags, gloves, a bucket, carpet cleaner, and bathroom spray. Let's just say the bedroom looked remotely similar to someone throwing up all the way to the toilet.

And when asked why he pooped in his pants instead of going to the potty chair, he gave his favorite answer ever: "Because I did."

Yesterday I took my 2 year old to Walmart with me. He picked out a singing birthday card for his uncle and proudly held on to it until it was time to pay. When it was our turn at the check-out, my son flashed a smile at the must-have-retired-many-years-ago-but-needed-to-supplement-her-income cashier and shouted, "Hi!"

"Hello," she said, "Do you have a card there?"

Oblivious to the nice lady's question, he turned to me and declared, "Mama. It's great grandma!"

A bit stunned, and scrambling for something to say, I quickly became thankful for age-induced hearing loss.

"Oh, that's nice," she said, "you have a card for your grandpa?"

Yes, we do. Time to go. Thank you. And have a nice day.

Dear 2 year old son,

I've deemed it necessary to write you this formal letter because apparently no matter what I say or do, you are not understanding this most important concept: YOU ARE NOT FINISHED TAKING NAPS YET. Please take a few moments to process this information, and note that this is not a choice, this is your mother stating a fact, plain and simple. Please read through the entire document and sign on the dotted line.

I know you think it's funny when you are so quiet in your room that I think you are asleep, only you are running a three ring circus, complete with all the stuffed animals, right there in your bed. Or when you decide that every train that you own should drive through your covers. That killer ornery grin may be cute, but it's still not funny.

You know what else isn't funny? The way you go to sleep for daddy when all he does is tell you to close your eyes. I clocked it at 1.4 minutes. So from now on, that's all the time you have to be awake after I lay you down.

And don't even think about coming out of your room to see if you can 'wake up yet'. You tried that once, remember? If you recall, it didn't go so well. So scoot your body back into bed and GO TO SLEEP.

And no, you may not have another drink, and no, I will not turn your fan off, I just turned it on, and no, you may not sleep with your fire truck, and no, there will be no thunder today, and no, there won't be lightening either, and I will only leave your door open if you will GO TO SLEEP.

And don't think I can't hear you when you lay on your bed and bang your feet against the wall. Oh, I can hear you, I'm just too busy banging my head against the wall to do anything about it.

Just sign.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
I, the precious 2 year old in this family, vow to sleep at least two hours every afternoon until I turn 6.


Love you,
Mom

Are You Smarter Than A Kindergartener?

Last week we watched someone win $1,000,000 on "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" This week we have realized that not only could we not win much money on that show, but we are not even smarter than a kindergartener.

On the way home from school today my son asked me (with the sing-song "I bet I know something you don't know" voice) if I knew who the oldest man to ever live was.

I said, "Ummm....I'm not sure...Abraham?"

"No! I'm going to ask daddy!"

At home he asked his father, who said, "Ummm...Abraham?"

At least we are compatible idiots.

Are we the only people who do not know this incredibly useful piece of information?

I got nuthin'

How many times a year am I allowed to use that title?

I seriously have nothing to write about. But, I would rather read "nuthin'" that other people have posted than see the same entry day and after day when I check into their world. So, here I am.

I visited some other sites for inspiration. Here's what I came up with:

+I need to wish some friends a Happy Anniversary!
+I need to pray for some answers to medical issues.
+I need to get a "Happy Adoption!" present to welcome a new arrival.
+I need to care a little more about the political race our country is running.
+I need to go to the state fair.
+I need to get a birthday gift for a precious little girl.

Not quite the inspiration I was looking for - but I got a snazzy to-do list!

Things I Know

Way back when, I wrote about trying to complain less and focus on others more. I'm here to tell you this is NOT EASY. But in a gallant effort to "not complain", I'll just state the facts.

~I am tired. So tired that I laid down on the floor beside my 2 year old's bed to get him to go to sleep at naptime, which I never do. So tired that I let my 5 year old have free reign on the computer for 2 hours so I could sleep.

~Boys are loud. REALLY loud. If I had girls, would they play quietly on the floor with dolls?

~Freshman boys are a breed all their own. Today I had one ask me if he could jump out of our classroom's 2nd story window so he wouldn't have to do Algebra.

~My house is a mess. My kitchen floor has reached the "flip-flops required" category.

~My husband is a saint. I had something last night at 7:00 and at 9:00, something tonight at 8:00, and something else Thursday at 7:00. And he's taking it all relatively in stride.

~We should have made our entire backyard a sandbox. When the boys are in their sandbox they don't fight, yell, or complain. They actually play together. However, my house would be covered in even more sand than it already is...on second thought, maybe a little fighting is okay. I can always send them to their rooms.

~Our hot water has an odor that falls somewhere between rotten eggs and sewer. We have been dealing with the water system people (i.e. the company that put in our multi-thousand dollar water unit three years ago to fix this problem) for nearly two weeks. I should have gold running out of my faucet; instead it makes me want to vomit.

~We bought M&M's as potty training incentives for the 2 year old. I can't stop eating them. They are now rewards for me enduring the potty training process.

~I also know that these things pale in comparison to real issues in life. So, for now, I'll be thankful that this is my list!

The Wait is Over

Nearly three months ago my husband completed his firefighter training and took the daunting National Certification Test. They told him he should receive his results in the mail in about 21 days. A large envelope in the mailbox meant he had passed all components of the test. A small envelope meant - well, not such good news. That was June 7.

Beginning on June 28, the stop at the mailbox was filled with anticipation. Would the results be there? Would he pass? What if he didn't? Every day we would hope for a large envelope. And when the mailbox was opened and we didn't see one, we would pray that there would be NO results mixed in the small envelope mail pile.

The days went by. A couple of guys my husband works with said their results didn't come for 2 months. So, we waited some more.

Finally, last week he gave up being patient. He emailed his instructor to see if he had any idea when the test results would come. After a quick phone call to check, the instructor called him back. "Your results have been sitting in their office for weeks. They don't have your home address."

Oh, the agony that could have been avoided...The gray hairs we could have prevented...The TUMS that could have remained unchewed...The endless trips to the mailbox that could have been saved...

But it's all good now, because the big envelope finally arrived. Full of certificates and patches that prove that he is officially a firefighter and a hazardous materials specialist.

And what does that get him?

A pay raise? No.
Different responsibilities? Nope.
A promotion? Notta.
Tenure? No such thing.
Saved from the embarrassment of having to tell the crew he didn't pass? ABSOLUTELY.


Congratulations to the man who I'm sure will be mortified that I wrote this! I'm so proud of you!

Tag, You're It

I've been tagged. So, here goes...

Four places I go over and over:
~to school - everyday at 8:00
~to school again - everyday at 11:30
~to grandma's house - to drop off a kid, pick up a kid, borrow something, return something, or cash in on a great free meal
~to my computer - I'm addicted

Four people who email me (regularly):
~FlyLady (Don't worry, Casey, it doesn't help me either)
~Quiet Walk.com - can't figure out how to get them to stop
~Amazon.com - them either
~Mamasource.com - or them

Four places I would rather be right now:
~At a resort, laying on a beach (where, according to reliable sources, even I could wear a bikini. Excuse me while I go vomit now.)
~In Chicago, shopping on Michigan Ave.
~On the east coast, taking in the beautiful scenery
~At the lake, lounging in my lawn chair, pretending I have nothing to do

Four TV shows/programs that I watch and over:
~I don't watch T.V. Not because I don't want to, but simply because the only one we own is in the basement and I never go down there just to turn it on and sit. But, here are some I've watched over and over before...
~Extreme Makeover Home Edition
~Biggest Loser
~The Amazing Race
~Survivor
Now I'll be stuck analyzing why my entire list is reality T.V.....

Four things I have for breakfast:
~Toast
~Cereal
~Granola Bar
~Fruit
Not all in the same day.

Four animals I like best:
~Webkinz - no mess, little expense! - I know this is copy #3, but I totally agree as you will see below...
~Little dogs - when they belong to someone else.
~Kittens - when the belong to someone else.
~Monkeys - at the zoo, behind glass - again, belonging to someone else.

Four beaches I've been to:
~Malibu Beach
~Neptune, NJ
~Lake Michigan
~Does the local reservoir count?

Tag Four People - Here are the lucky winners! I don't know if these girls are okay with being linked or not, so I'll just leave it at this.
~Missy
~Emily
~Carol
~Joanna