I'm feeling exceptionally sad for my 6 yo today. He just doesn't seem to be comfortable in his own skin; and I have no idea what to do about it. If there is a fear to have, a worry to create, or a situation to be timid about, he will. I vacillate back and forth between wanting to tell him to suck it up, quit worrying, and get a grip...and...pulling him in my arms and crying with him and telling him everything will be okay. I just don't know what is best for him.
Last month he got scared during a school chapel music performance and started sobbing. He got so worked up about the evening performance that he never even made it on stage. Last week he cried at the thought of riding the kindergarten float through a parade. Yesterday he cried at school when another teacher was in the room observing the kindergarten class.
Today it was the dentist. To his credit, the kid does not have a stellar dental history. He got the short end of the straw when it came to healthy teeth...in other words, he got his dad's genes instead of mine. He instinctively closes his mouth and gets really tense when the dental tools start coming his way. The poor kid was nervous, but he made it through with only a stray tear or two.
Then it was his brothers turn. Since he just turned three, this was brother's first time at the dentist. He hopped right up in the chair, reclined in perfect relaxed form, and opened his mouth so wide a small cow could have crawled in. The hygienist ooohed and aaahhed over how well he did, and what a big boy he was, and how he could teach his older brother how to do it. I could see the tears welling up in my 6 yo's eyes, and could feel the mama bear rising up in me.
The poor lady didn't have a clue what she was doing. She thought she was being so encouraging to my 3 yo (which she was), but really, the kid didn't need it. In fact, he said, and I quote, "When the dentist comes to check my teeth he is going to look in there and say WOW!" No self-esteem building needed for that one.
But the 6 yo, my heart just breaks for him. I spent four years training to be an educator, and many more years training in special education. I've read heaps of parenting books, and have watched all the videos. But at this moment, I've got nothin'.
2 comments:
Honey, you still are the perfect parent. I'll keep your tender-hearted six year old in my prayers. And you as well!!
Do you remember all that we've been through with poor little Cale? I never thought his tears would turn into smiles. I thought there would be permanent tracks on his face.
You just have to show him extra love, listen to him, talk a lot and encourage him though it all. And remember that God gave each person a unique personality - and that he's special for who he is, even if he doesn't feel like it.
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