The Weekend Summary -- via the 2 year old

This weekend my husband was in the fields helping his dad get ready to plant wheat. The other grandma and grandpa were at the lake for the last time this season, so at the last minute the boys and I headed out Saturday for one final camping weekend of the year.

Here is the summary...quoted from my 2 yo.

"Daddy, the fish pooped ALL OVER THE BOAT.

And then we caught a fish and it got away and then we caught it again.

And I tried to touch the fishies.

And he kept wagging his tail!

And daddy, the fishy pooped ALL OVER THE BOAT!

And the fishy tickled and tickled me.

And we caught a fish and he fell off the back of the boat and dived in the water!

And the big fish pooped ALL OVER THE BOAT!"


Nevermind the stuff we did the other 30 hours. I guess playing with sand toys, time at the park, going on bike rides, watching favorite pbs shows, playing football, and sleeping in grandma's camper just don't compare to incredibly disgusting fish.....elimination.

Glazed Over

I'm currently sitting at the kitchen table observing my surroundings. The sink is overflowing with dishes. The dust on the piano is thick. I may have to take a putty knife to the hardwood floor to get all the junk off. There are toys all over the living room. Who wanted an open floor plan anyway?? I can see way too much nastiness all at once. I'm secretly desiring to put my house on the market just so it will end up being clean.

Beside me sits a pile of lesson plans, grading, and stacks of books for tomorrow. Tonight we are helping my sister-in-law move. My oldest son is chasing my youngest son around the house with a power drill (toy, of course). And here I am completely glazed over staring at my computer.

STRESS. I've brought a little more on myself this year than I had originally intended. I'm the first to admit, a lot of it is my fault. I'm teaching the Life of Christ in Bible, and today we studied the Christmas story. So, in order to set the mood a bit (since it's SEPTEMBER), what do I decide to do? Spend an entire afternoon baking Christmas cookies for the class. This morning while getting ready, I decided it would be fun to teach like terms in algebra today with skittles and manipulatives. I do weird stuff like this because I hate boring class times as much as the students. I wish I could just open the book and assign homework.

Here is the most annoying thing about stress. When I'm stressed, I eat. Then I get stressed because I'm gaining weight. Then I hate the way I look and my clothes are tight and...I just want to eat. How does one break THAT cycle?

But I digress. From what? - I'm not exactly sure. Hence the title: glazed over. All I know is I have about 24 hours of preparation needed for an in-service that starts in 19 hours.

Potty Training Fiasco #4,357

This morning I heard my two year old yelling from across the house, "Poop! Mom, poop!" I knew at that moment that the world was truly coming to an end -- my son was actually telling me when he needed to go. I went racing for him in a monumental attempt to make it on time.

Instead, I met him in the hallway CARRYING his messy underwear, proudly saying, "I took them off for you!" Oh good grief. Of course I couldn't have been lucky enough for this to be a one-wipe kind of poop. Nnnnooooooo, it had to be the holy-cow-someone-has-given-this-kid-too-much-apple-juice kind.

After an unsuccessful attempt at cleaning him up, I threw him in the bathtub and armed myself with rags, gloves, a bucket, carpet cleaner, and bathroom spray. Let's just say the bedroom looked remotely similar to someone throwing up all the way to the toilet.

And when asked why he pooped in his pants instead of going to the potty chair, he gave his favorite answer ever: "Because I did."

Yesterday I took my 2 year old to Walmart with me. He picked out a singing birthday card for his uncle and proudly held on to it until it was time to pay. When it was our turn at the check-out, my son flashed a smile at the must-have-retired-many-years-ago-but-needed-to-supplement-her-income cashier and shouted, "Hi!"

"Hello," she said, "Do you have a card there?"

Oblivious to the nice lady's question, he turned to me and declared, "Mama. It's great grandma!"

A bit stunned, and scrambling for something to say, I quickly became thankful for age-induced hearing loss.

"Oh, that's nice," she said, "you have a card for your grandpa?"

Yes, we do. Time to go. Thank you. And have a nice day.

Dear 2 year old son,

I've deemed it necessary to write you this formal letter because apparently no matter what I say or do, you are not understanding this most important concept: YOU ARE NOT FINISHED TAKING NAPS YET. Please take a few moments to process this information, and note that this is not a choice, this is your mother stating a fact, plain and simple. Please read through the entire document and sign on the dotted line.

I know you think it's funny when you are so quiet in your room that I think you are asleep, only you are running a three ring circus, complete with all the stuffed animals, right there in your bed. Or when you decide that every train that you own should drive through your covers. That killer ornery grin may be cute, but it's still not funny.

You know what else isn't funny? The way you go to sleep for daddy when all he does is tell you to close your eyes. I clocked it at 1.4 minutes. So from now on, that's all the time you have to be awake after I lay you down.

And don't even think about coming out of your room to see if you can 'wake up yet'. You tried that once, remember? If you recall, it didn't go so well. So scoot your body back into bed and GO TO SLEEP.

And no, you may not have another drink, and no, I will not turn your fan off, I just turned it on, and no, you may not sleep with your fire truck, and no, there will be no thunder today, and no, there won't be lightening either, and I will only leave your door open if you will GO TO SLEEP.

And don't think I can't hear you when you lay on your bed and bang your feet against the wall. Oh, I can hear you, I'm just too busy banging my head against the wall to do anything about it.

Just sign.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
I, the precious 2 year old in this family, vow to sleep at least two hours every afternoon until I turn 6.


Love you,
Mom

Are You Smarter Than A Kindergartener?

Last week we watched someone win $1,000,000 on "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" This week we have realized that not only could we not win much money on that show, but we are not even smarter than a kindergartener.

On the way home from school today my son asked me (with the sing-song "I bet I know something you don't know" voice) if I knew who the oldest man to ever live was.

I said, "Ummm....I'm not sure...Abraham?"

"No! I'm going to ask daddy!"

At home he asked his father, who said, "Ummm...Abraham?"

At least we are compatible idiots.

Are we the only people who do not know this incredibly useful piece of information?

I got nuthin'

How many times a year am I allowed to use that title?

I seriously have nothing to write about. But, I would rather read "nuthin'" that other people have posted than see the same entry day and after day when I check into their world. So, here I am.

I visited some other sites for inspiration. Here's what I came up with:

+I need to wish some friends a Happy Anniversary!
+I need to pray for some answers to medical issues.
+I need to get a "Happy Adoption!" present to welcome a new arrival.
+I need to care a little more about the political race our country is running.
+I need to go to the state fair.
+I need to get a birthday gift for a precious little girl.

Not quite the inspiration I was looking for - but I got a snazzy to-do list!