Final Call

This morning I attended my cousin's funeral. Last year he was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer, and although he started treatments and fought as hard as he could, he lost the battle with this terrible disease last Sunday night. He left behind a wife, a 15 year old daughter, a 13 year old son, a 1 year old son, his parents, his brothers and sister, and a slew of family members and friends.


I don't usually describe funerals as beautiful, but I think this one came close. Among the many personal touches added to the service, his brother, his nephew, and even his wife all got up and spoke. Although it was sad, they made it real; it was a true celebration of his life.


I shed a few tears, there weren't many there who didn't, but I made it through relatively okay. That is, until we were standing at the cemetery in the freezing cold at the very end of the burial service. The final song was just over, and I assumed the service was complete, when the pagers started going off all around me. It was his final call.


You see, my cousin was the fire chief of his local volunteer fire department for the past 15 years. There were fire and EMS workers there from all around the area, and all at once the quietness of the moment was filled with the shrillness of the page, followed by..."It is now time for the final call for...".


I had never experienced a final call before. Firefighters are called out all the time. It's a natural part of their lives, and has become a natural part of my life as well. But to hear that final call, to hear that tribute to a man who has spent his life serving, and to know that he will never be called out again was an incredibly heart-wrenching experience.


I'm not sure why this final call affected me so intensely. Maybe it is because I have a fairly clear understanding of what is involved when those pagers go off. The adrenaline rush, dropping everything in an instant to get to people who are in need, the potential danger. Maybe it was simply seeing the tears running down the faces of all those firefighters. Maybe it is because it's possible for my husband to receive that same final call someday.


But in reality, we will all receive a final call someday. We don't know where, when, or under what circumstances, but there's no denying it will happen. The question is, am I ready? Are you ready? Do our loved ones know how much we love them? Do they know how much God loves them?


So, to you, my friends and family who are reading this, please know how much you mean to me and how much better my life is because you are in it. Today was a good reminder that I don't say it or show it enough in the day to day busyness of life. Thank you for always being there for me.

It's My ___________, and I'll Cry If I Want To

Fill in the blank. Really. Go ahead. Fill it in with just about anything you want to, and I'm sure it will fit into my 6 yo's life. Well, as long as it is something that happens at school.

It seems my son has been doing quite a bit of crying in school lately. I don't think he cried one time until the month of December, but right before Christmas break, the floodgates opened. First he cried because he didn't understand the directions on a paper. Then he cried because he thought they were going to force him to play musical chairs. That was before Christmas.

This week he has cried when he got confused on a paper, when he didn't know what 'Lamentations' was during memory verse time, after he volunteered to help the teacher demonstrate something and got finished with it, and on the way to music class because he didn't want to go. He ended up hanging out with his teacher instead.

But the conversations with him go something like this:
How was your day?
Good.
What was your favorite part?
I liked Center time best.
Did you have any sad times?
No.
Looks like you have a music paper. What does it mean?
It's piano and forte - for soft and loud.
Were you supposed to do something on this paper?
I don't know.
Did you do it in music class?
No.
Did you go to music class?
Noooooo. And the tears began to fall.

So we talked about it, about why he is sad and why he is crying in school and what he is feeling. And we got one answer for everything, "I don't know. I just get that feeling and I don't know why."

I know this will shock you, but that answer is not very helpful! I even googled 'crying in school' to see if I could get any advice. Nothing fits. He doesn't fight going to school, he doesn't cry when he leaves me, he says he has fun, and he understands new concepts easily.

But obviously we have some level of anxiety going on here. Something inside has to be bothering him for the tears to flow so easily and so often. His teacher and I are both a bit baffled. I feel bad for her because it is taking up her time in class. I feel bad for him because it can't feel good to be the kid who always cries. I feel bad for his classmates because he is causing a scene and interrupting class.

Any advice would be welcome. Until then - I'm going to go have a good cry.

Grrr...

Has anyone seen my lesson plan book? Cause I'm thinkin' that might be somewhat important for, I don't know, maybe the next 18 weeks.

It's A New Year

My friend Casey stole my New Year's Post! I guess she's entitled since she actually wrote hers on Jan. 1 instead of the 6th. She mentioned the frustrating cycle of starting anew with resolutions, sticking with them for awhile, and then falling back into the same old pattern of regular life with very little accomplished toward those new ideas and goals.


That's exactly what I was thinking about this year on January 1. I'm not sure how to combat that problem without seriously lowering my expectations, but maybe that's what I need: a good dose of reality. Let's face it, I'm teaching some this year, I have a huge list of things to accomplish before Spring 2010 for my job, and I'm still trying to be a good mother to my children, a good wife to my husband, a good daughter/sister/any other title to my family, and a good friend to my friends.


So I'm toning it down a bit this year. Here are the things I REALLY want to make happen this year:

*Make it through January without forgetting my parent's anniversary (check), dad's birthday, nephew's birthday, niece's birthday, husband's birthday, mom's birthday, and sister-in-laws birthday.

*Return from the all-family vacation to Branson in June with everyone still speaking to each other.

*Potty train the little guy. Surely by Jan. 1 of 2010.........

*End the year weighing no more than I did this last summer.

*Have relatively happy, relatively healthy, relatively normal children the majority of the year. (It's all relative...)

*Make a concerted effort to unload everything from the vehicle that had been put in the vehicle during the course of the day.

That's about all I can handle at this point. Anything else that is accomplished is just a bonus.

Did I lower my expectations? Maybe. But at least the van will be clean.

Holiday Favorites

Christmas break is always one of the best times of the year. Here is my list of favorites from Christmas Break 2008.


My favorite....

*Christmas Food: Sugar Cookies


*Christmas Tradition: Christmas Light Night


*Christmas Gift: Jewelry from my mom, although my husband wishes it would be the skillet he told my parents I really wanted for Christmas.


*Christmas Letter: Alan and Emily's. I look forward to it every year because it makes me laugh, plus it's the only letter we get that is written by the male in the house. That's worth extra points.

*Christmas Card Photo: Professionally - Ryan and Miriam; The one the kids think is the funniest: Cooper in the dryer


*Quote from the week: "I don't have to use my silverware because I'm a crocodile!" (2 yo)


*Movie (from those we watched during break): Made of Honor


*Phone Call (during break): When my husband called me last night from the roof and told me he was stuck up there and asked if I could come rescue him.

Happy New Year!

Holiday Happenings

Life is fairly low-key around here, which I guess is good, but I'm going to sum up the holidays anyway.

• We have yet another new addition to the family. Some friends of ours got our boys a fish for Christmas (they asked first). The kids love Tommy, who got his name because he's blue like Thomas the Train. I sure hope he fairs better than all the plants we've tried to keep alive.


• We are also the new proud owners of a 10-in-1 game table, which arrived because we had to take back some other gifts that were broken or did not work like we thought they would. The 60% off sale had something to do with it too. This table brings much joy to the 6 yo and much grief to the 2 yo, mostly because the little guy can barely see the top.


• Speaking of taking gifts back, that seemed to be the theme this year. Broken parts, gifts too hard to operate, missing pieces...it got so bad my son started asking after each gift he opened, "are we going to have to take this one back too?"


• We took the boys to see "The Tale of Despereaux" because we had free movie passes that expired tomorrow. None of us really liked it, and we spent as much on a small popcorn and two drinks as we would have on 4 movie tickets for a movie worth watching.
• Sunday morning my 6 yo was innocently playing on the floor when he instantly started crying like crazy and holding on to his neck. The pain kept him from doing much all day, but by evening he was moving around slowly, although he looked a bit crooked. A trip to the chiro today gave us the diagnosis of torticollis. Interestingly enough, he had this as an infant and couldn't turn his head all the way to the left. Six weeks of physical therapy did the trick - until yesterday. The chiro says he'll have him good as new soon, which I think means about 3-6 months of visits. Oh, and he says when this is cleared up, he probably won't suffer from allergies either. It's safe to say I'm skeptical, but the kid does need to be able to turn his head.
• We're getting ready for another Illinois trip. I wonder how 10 hours in the carseat will feel with torticollis?

Catching Up

On the 7th and 8th days of Christmas break, my true love gave me to me...
eight crazy cousins...
seven hours of eating...
six layers of wrapping...
...five extra pounds...
four games of cards...
three noisy toys...
two happy children...
and a date-night with my wonderful husband.