Refocus

My poor blog has been neglected lately.

This seems to happen frequently.

It's not that I haven't had anything to write about, and not so much even that I haven't had the time.  More accurately, it has been because the past two months have been permeated with self-reflection, pondering, analyzing, praying, and making some tough decisions.

For the first time in a long, long time, I was completely undecided at contract time.

It is normal for an educator to do a little retrospection when it comes to deciding whether or not to sign on the dotted line.  This choice is a bit different than in some occupations, where a two week notice is sufficient to make a life change.

However, this year was more than just a short reflection.  It was agonizing.  Painful. Heart-wrenching.

Before I portray the wrong message, allow me to reassure you that it is NOT my job that is painful and agonizing.  I love my job.  I love the students.  My colleagues are amazing.  The problem appears to be me and my ability to prioritize.

While processing why I was struggling so much, I shared with a colleague that I think I unknowingly allowed my priorities to become completely flipped around.  By the end of April, they seemed to look something like this:
1. Career/School
2. Kids
3. Spouse
4. God

This is a recipe for disaster on so many levels.

Not only were these all messed up, but important categories, like 'Friends', were barely even on the radar.

I knew immediately that I had to do something to get these back in the right order.  I just didn't know what that "something" was.

I thought it might include something BIG....like resigning from my position at school.  It seemed logical to me that time was my problem, and the only thing on that list that could be removed to free up more time was my career.  

The kids and the spouse were relieved to hear that I wasn't thinking about removing them.

Still, my husband wasn't so sure.

Not about not removing him.

About removing my career.

In one of our many talks, my husband was the one who said, "Who ever spends two years getting their Master's Degree and then quits their job?"

Good point.  I would guess that is not very common.

Again, let me clarify.  It is not that I wanted to quit my job.  I just knew that I was over-stressed, over-tired, and self-absorbed. So I wondered if God was trying to wrestle the job out of my hands and asking me to give it up.

After much prayer and processing, we decided this was not the case, and that a mega job change may be a bit of an overreaction. 

So I signed.   For which my heart is thankful.

However, the priorities must change. Now.

So, the focus of my summer......is Refocus. Reorganize. Realign. Re-prioritize.

Starting now.